Wednesday, August 18, 2010

"I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman"

I'm not sure anyone has ever said it better than Britney herself... "Im not a girl, not yet a woman, all I need is time, a moment that is mine, while Im inbetween. Im not a girl."
Today my mom had me pack up, box up, rip up, throw away, the remnants of what was my room for 18 years. The pictures I had on the walls all torn down, my Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fan wall, destroyed. My Homecoming Princess posters and sash, placed neatly in a "pretty pink tub," that my mom was really excited about. She figured that if she bought me cute containers to store my lasting memories, that it would somehow lessen the sting. "Time for your Big Girl room," she keeps saying. Why does it have to be said like that? I feel grown up now, I just like walking down memory lane from time to time, and my bedroom helped me do that. Now if I want that experience I have to go to the attic to find my pretty pink tubs and haul em' out to look at old pictures. I had pictures on my wall from practically every school dance, that I loved looking at. It was fun having my new college friends come over to see Katie from the younger years. I wish parents weren't so stoked on turning our memories and our childhood into Guest Rooms/ Music Studios/ Tv rooms. Would it have hurt Steve and Margaret to have left up my stuff til they sold the house? Is that selfish? They could still use the room for guests, the guests would just get an added bonus of a Katie Museum, more or less. I wanted my kids to see that room. The lime green walls, the poster from Collin when I got asked to Prom. It's all in a box now. Part of me wants to be able to be okay with this and just move on, and I know I will in time. But for now, Im just kinda upset about it. Now coming home will feel like being a guest in my own house. Perhaps thats the part where I grow up and realize that Im a senior in college and I'm not a kid anymore. Soon it will be time to face real life, and running to mommy and daddy won't exactly be an option. No one said growing up was easy, and it's been alot of fun for the most part. It's time that I stop living in the past and accept the future that the Lord has for me. Preperation for a road that I know I need his hand to walk down with. What is that road? What does it look like? Where is it? Blindly stepping out in faith that my Father knows whats best for me, and to stop fooling myself into thinking I know whats best for Me. Well thats all for now, I need to go get ready for work.
Love and Pink Tubs
-Kate