The wedding is now officially 20 days away. I couldn't be more excited! Ok... for the record I am not talking about my own wedding here. Summer and Brudder bear are getting married! I am about to have an older sister that I have wanted since I was little. The Lord has been good to our family, and we just adore Summer. This will be the very first wedding I am in too! Can't wait!
But while I am waiting, I must say weddings are certainly in season, and in full bloom right now. It's hard not to think of your own fantasy wedding, and you look harder at yourself in the mirror than ever before. You start analyzing whether or not you think of yourself as bride worthy, and if being a wife could be on the near horizon. I look at the next year of my life ahead, and I see my senior year of school and God-willing graduation, I see living at my parents house, and I see working on myself and my relationship with my creator. I desire so desperately to make an excellent wife and mother someday, that it can be an all consuming fire of thoughts. I think of Proverbs 31 the classic "good wife" verses in the bible, and how I want to be a strong partner, and helper to my future husband. I love to care for others, and I know God has given me such a motherly way about myself. The older I get the more I long for a family of my own someday. Seeing my brother and Summer care for one another just gets me more and more excited about the life I have in front of me. I desire to be married when I am done with school however soon that can be. I am working on my baking skills, and I love having my house in Corvallis to clean and keep tidy for guests, and to show my love to my roommates. I may not be the most book smart of all women, but I know in my heart that I will be an excellent wife and mother, and I want so badly to cling to that truth when the devil whispers lies to me that I am stupid and not worthy of love. School is just so good at making me feel inadequate and dumb on a daily basis, and I feel defeat. I don't want to continue thinking that my life will officially start once I am married, but I just think that will be my time to shine. Please don't think that I am naive enough to believe that marriage isn't hard, but you also need to remember that I have quite the example of marriage from Margaret and Steve that I look up to. Marriage is beautiful, and if I haven't found it already, I look forward to the day when I am holding the hand of my partner and best friend in life.
I know I still have so much to work on. Living for someone else, and constantly laying your life down for that person seems like alot of work, and that's nothing compared to having 3 kids and a husband. I just look forward to the future and what is in store, while I am also working on living in the moment and being thankful for God's blessings NOW! My goal is to start working on cooking/ baking. I will do my best at taking pictures and putting them on here.
Brad is going on a little snow trip to a fire watch tour with his dad and some friends tomorrow. I better start getting used to him being gone.
Love and Motivation