Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Big Girls Don't Cry

God is really good at letting me know that He is in control not me. Just when you start making plans for your own life, He reminds me that it is not my life to plan in the first place. Heart ache comes, but I also know that it leaves and eventually you can move on and accept that what the Lord has waiting for you is better. Today is a day I would not enjoy repeating, but I have faith in knowing I am in the best hands of my creator. I really didn't see this whole thing coming at all, it's weird no longer holding to a countdown that I have been obsessing over for the past 60 days about.
I pray for the day that I can be loved for who I am, and that that man finds me beautiful in so many ways.
I feel crushed and very defeated, but I know the Lord won't give me anything I cannot handle. I want to grow from this experience and become even closer to the Lord because of it.
Of all the days though. I am laying here with gauze in my mouth soaking up blood. I am on 4 different medications and I'm bed ridden today and tomorrow. It has just been a perfect storm. Trying to be strong, and level headed, I hate when I over analyze everything. I am going to do my best at thinking positively and leaning on my friends when I need their support. I have a wonderful family who takes care of me, and I am very blessed because of it. Please keep me in your prayers as I go through a process of healing. Thank you so much.

Love and other drugs


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