|This photo was taken at my cousin's wedding, as I prepared for my toast|
I have been having a rough few months. I know I spoke of this in a few past posts so I apologize if I am coming off Debbie Downerish. I understand if you choose to never read my blog again but I figured if you are reading right now it's because you appreciate my willingness to be honest. Right? If I'm wrong, I apologize and I'm glad you at least tried my blog out once. Ha!
Yesterday I attended the Door of Hope morning service with my cousin bear Christian. That is where her and her husband attend, and I have wanted to try it out for years now. Wow. Josh White. I have missed hearing him speak. The authenticity and conviction he speaks with is something you don't find every day in a Pastor. But he spoke on "3 Treasures of Darkness" that we all need to own in order to follow Christ. 1. Sacrifice 2. Suffering and 3. Service. The term Treasure of Darkness refers to the fact that these are gifts in a way but they are hard ones to receive and demonstrate. Jesus demonstrated all three of these acts by dying on the cross for us, and he is the illustration we are to model our lives after.
This struck me yesterday because Josh also talked about how we try and fill our lives with all this crap (money, fashion, drugs, alcohol, fame, success, you fill in the blank). We do this in order to achieve happiness by the world's standards but yet as Christians we know that it is through Christ that we find joy and joy abundantly. So why is it that we continue to fill our lives with the meaningless and chase after worldly pleasures?
I am so guilty of this! Lately I have been chasing things that I know 1. I will never achieve and 2. are empty and not worthwhile. Yesterday Josh said "We live a life of no depth because we refuse to sacrifice." That hit home so hard my eyes filled with tears. Maybe the reason I have been having such a rough time is because I have been putting Katie's needs above anyone else's. I have been too self involved and too self focused that I am losing sight of how Jesus lived his life. I can hide behind the fact that I am a Young Life leader so that automatically makes me unselfish, but that's not true and it's a cop out.
Truly I want to be a woman who sacrifices for the good of others. I want to find depth in my life because I choose to sacrifice. I want to suffer because it only shows you the desperate need you have for God to pull you through that suffering. And I want to serve because Jesus was the perfect picture of a servant and He is who I am to model my life after.
Sorry this was a long one today, just felt pretty impacted by that message and was one of those mornings where you go, "Wow that was exactly what I needed to hear." Listen to the pod-cast if you have time, it will be beneficial to you. Happy Monday friends, now go and live sacrificially.
Love and Finding Depth